I have been geek-watching and I have noted some interesting things about the unmarried geek. Modern unmarried geeks fall into two categories: Geekus minoris (young geek) and Geekus geekus (true geek). Now, in most particulars, they are remarkably similar, but there are a couple of important differences.
First there is the living arrangement. Geekus minoris is usually found living in an isolated area in the family nest, often this is the basement or the garage because the nocturnal and personal habits of young geek are somewhat erratic and tend to upset the routine of the other nest-residents. Geekus geekus, usually lives with roommates (often other geeks) in an isolated area of some communal living space. Both varieties of geek display similar living habits, such as leaving things lying about indiscriminately in the isolated living area, collecting drinking glasses and bottles inadvertently on or around the desk or workspace, festooning the area with wires and cables leading to and from various electronic and computer equipment. This brand of chaos is contained in the isolated living space only because the other residents of the nest guard against its steady encroachment into their own area by tossing any wayward bits of geek-enalia back into the geek's area without ceremony whenever they manage to escape the confines of the geek-zone. This last detail will be somewhat modified if, in the case of Geekus geekus, the other nest-residents are also geeks. In this case, all bets are off and all equipment must be carefully labeled or color-coded for safety and retrievability.
Among the indiscriminately dropped items to be prominently found in the lairs of geeks are illustrated, intellectual and science fiction novels and technical books in whatever the geek's specialty is, socks, used and unused, other items of clothing and small electronic items such as pagers, electric razors and personal stereos. There are usually quite a few CDs, both audio and data, many of them prominently displaying the names and logos of defunct companies and cheesy internet providers which are generally used as coasters or to be found sticking out of bookshelves and suspect holes in the walls. Small landslides of specialty magazines will also be found in geek-havens.
The eating habits of the unmarried geek vary only slightly depending on the variety. Geekus minoris is most likely to be found wolfing down whatever could be discovered in the family fridge, usually at some odd hour of the day. On rare occasions, the young geek will go along to a family dinner, but this is usually because it is: a) a duty they couldn't wiggle out of or b) pizza. True geek is most usually discovered eating microwaveable food directly from the container or eating cold chili from the can, as they avoid actual cooking. All varieties of geeks abhor doing the dishes.
However, geeks have several eating habits in common: a predilection for eating out at cheap fast food restaurants, drinking beer, drinking coffee, misplacing food somewhere on the work surface and leaving the dishes, containers, etc. on or under the work surface. This is true for all geeks, married or unmarried, young or old.
But, where unmarried geeks are most strongly divided is in personal appearance and mating behavior. Geekus minoris is the most wide-ranging, here. Younger geek is often more aware of and more concerned with its personal appearance in public. This is largely because Geekus minoris is more aware of the opposite sex and more interested in attracting and possibly capturing a specimen for its very own than is Geekus geekus. Not to say that Geekus geekus is completely disinterested, oh no, but, after many years of unremitting geekdom, Geekus geekus often adopts an attitude of "heck, they'll just have to like me for myself," while giving up all pretense of dressing well or grooming themselves. Happily, younger geeks do, occasionally break out of the geek mold and manage to snare a mate. This usually saves them from evolving into the final stages of geekdom: Geekus geekus hermitatis, though they often become geekus espousa annoyensis. Occasionally, true geek will manage to rise above their downward spiral and emulate the geekus minoris, thus, also having the possibility of escaping the dire fate of Geekus geekus hermitatis.
Of course, these are not the only species of geek. Additionally, there are the various "espousa" varieties and the specialized subclasses in which one may observe both the Alpha Geek and the subordinate Beta Geek. Proto-geeks, quasi-geeks and the insidious pseudo-geek also abound. Occasionally, one will encounter the terrible anti-geek (also known as the Luddite, the tradtionalist, the politician and someone else's significant other). It is best to escape quickly from the area of the anti-geek and not to allow any particles of anti-geek to adhere to one's clothes as contact between geek and anti-geek particles leads, invariably to annihilation of something. Usually peace and quiet and frequently privacy.
For now, I shall have to continue my studies in geek-watching, there's one living around here and it would amuse me to figure it out. Not that I think I stand a chance....
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